eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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