She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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