hell yes lets make some ravioli
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
