I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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