I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
