I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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