My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
