On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
