I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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