I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
