Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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