All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
