trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
