i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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