weddingsv make me drug and hornr
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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