The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
