There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
