please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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