Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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