you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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