this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
