he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
