Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
