i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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