Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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