Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
