Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
