So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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