K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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