How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
