Is it normal to miss your booty call?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
