My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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