Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
