My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
