the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
