Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
