God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My vagina is very pro this idea
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
