We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
