She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
