i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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