Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
