this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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