i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
