I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
