so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
