At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
