I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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