At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
