I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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