I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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