whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
