You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
