Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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