so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
