i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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