so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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