This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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