Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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