i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
