Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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