is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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