Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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