I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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