i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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