you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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