Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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