I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
